Hey there Pop,

Should I tell you what I got you for Christmas? Or do you already know?

I had a whole list of stuff to get you, this year I really had a bunch of great stuff. I guess the good news is that I only bought the one thing - so it's not like I have to return a bunch of stuff or figure out the correct new recipient.

I did get you that one thing - the Indians baseball cap, right from the ballpark. It has great stitching on it, it's not one of the fitted ones, but it's a nice one. I would give it to Jerry, but I bought one for him while I was there. And I just can't give it to anyone. Somehow, even though I never gave it to you, it's yours and I'm not ready to just give it away.

I was going to finally get you a Michigan flag, I've been meaning to do it since we moved, but I just never got around to it.

Of course I found a book that you would have loved, it's called Traffic. It's about why we all do the dumb things we do in cars. I heard about it on the radio one day and thought that you'd really get a kick out of it. I'd get it for Uncle Jim, but I'm never really sure of his reading level since the stroke and I hate to make it hard on him.

Mostly I just wish that Christmas would be over already. The only one who even wants to celebrate is Mer and I think it's just because of the girls - none of us have our hearts in it. I didn't even decorate our house this year. Mom's not faring much better, she's behind and feels overwhelmed with all the day to day stuff that throwing Christmas in on top of it is too much.

Scott and I took the girls down to Prime Smoked Meats to get the ham - that was an adventure. I thought it was by the old Swan's market, but it wasn't. And when we got there they were out of just about all the different types of ham. We got a giant bone in ham, I hope it's right! But it's not like we had a ton of choice - I guess I should just be happy that they had some hams left.

We all went Union Square to see the menorah lighting, tonight was the first night of Hanukkah. The girls had a great time, there was a band and a craft booth. Did I mention that it was raining the whole time? It was, but everyone had a pretty good sense of humor about it.

I really wanted to go - somehow it seems really important to me that I get to celebrate Hanukkah this year, usually it's just something that Scott and I do. Maybe it's just that I really don't want to celebrate Christmas at all this year. I wouldn't even have flown home if I thought I could have gotten away with it (not like Mom would have let me, but...).

We're changing the whole time table of Christmas too. We're going to have everyone over around 1pm. No more Christmas morning. It had to happen some time, but now seems to be the best time for it. No one can bear the thought of you not being here to cook breakfast. And I can't stand the thought of you not sitting in the big chair falling asleep while we all open presents. So this way Uncle Jim and Aunt Cindy and Greg will arrive at the same time as Mer and Jerry and the girls - and we'll have more of an afternoon of it. Hopefully we'll have time to play games and other things without everything being too rushed. I think it will be good.

I'm really missing you a lot Pop, I'm just not sure how I'm going to make it through the next couple of days. I'm sure that I'll just keep at it the way I've been, but it's hard to be here without you.

Talk to you later Pop, I love you.